For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
