His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am spending my child support on dildos
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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