Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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