I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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