worst night to have a conscience
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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