i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i came on her dog
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
