I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
