the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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