can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
