I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
