Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
