There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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