is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
