I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Randomize