Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
