Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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