They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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