there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
