my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
false alarm, still single
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize