My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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