can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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