I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
