I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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