Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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