The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
