Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
