somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
