so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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