the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
