That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
