I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
