What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
