Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
