We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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