Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
