there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
