Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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