Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
