Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
