we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
