I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just googled if crying burns calories
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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