i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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