so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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