It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
