Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
3 2 1 whiskey
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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