It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
