Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
