Sry I called you an 8
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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