Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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