I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
