I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We got so high we made milksteak
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize