don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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