As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
