My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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