i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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