I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
