Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
