No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
