I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
