Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
