"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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