Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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