So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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