He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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