I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
