Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
