I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
