i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
