goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
