when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
