Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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