Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
