Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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