If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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