I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
