Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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