i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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