no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
